Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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