it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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