i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
