He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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