is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
