i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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