then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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