shes about as inviting as chlamydia
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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