you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need a beard to bite.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
