I wish they made helmets for livers.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
