Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
