I puked a lego.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
