He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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