Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize