You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
