I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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