im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
