sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
