Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
