Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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