He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
