did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
