She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Randomize
