is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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