I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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