I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
