This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
