Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
