someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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