i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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