My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
