So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
