now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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