i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
