I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
