I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
