I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
