I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
