i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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