This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
