Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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