i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
