I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
