He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
