She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
