Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
