In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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