so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
