I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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