and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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