Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
