So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
